I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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