my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
