So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
