i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
