i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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