I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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