Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
