How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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