The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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