So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
