Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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