Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Everclear isn't food dammit
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
