If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
