I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she smelled like a LAN party
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
