he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
