you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
