Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
