I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
