sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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