You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize