my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
