just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
