I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
