i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
