Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
