Just fell off a train. Bad.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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