He called his prostate his "boner button".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize