I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
