I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
