$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
