omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
