don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
