I wish my penis had an off switch
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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