I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
