i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
