3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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