I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
