I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
