Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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