I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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