Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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