Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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