there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize