The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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