There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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