You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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