Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
