You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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