i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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