What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
