Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
