She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
