i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
