oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
