Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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