I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
