Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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