If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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