im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize