Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
one two three fourrrrnication!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
this must be what syphilis tastes like
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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