shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
