Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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