I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
