she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
