I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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