he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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