Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize