Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
