im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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