i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
