Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize