I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
